you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
