In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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