: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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