Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just invented taco cereal.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
