Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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