Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
