He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
