Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
