watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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