ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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