dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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