you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize