A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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