She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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