If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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