why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
