why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
