i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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