thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
