remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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