I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
