Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
