I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
