You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
