The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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