your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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