ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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