I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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