just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize