So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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