Pregnant stripper...not hot.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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