I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
