My room smells like vodka and shame
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
