You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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