I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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