I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
