So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
