let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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