so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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