So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
