I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dignity is for republicans.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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