you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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