On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
