I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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