Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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