I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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