i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
