he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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