Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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