I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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