His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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