She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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