I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
