Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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