Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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