i jhust puked up my retainher.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
