I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
