Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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