I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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