you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
