I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
