Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
