Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
