That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
