drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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