careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
