Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize