Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
