Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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