i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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