i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
