I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
