He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
