dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
