listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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