you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
